** This is a very long Journal Entry, if you are one of the people I was with at Operation Alert with this year and you dont wanna read the entire thing, at least read the last paragraph. Please. **

I wanted to write this yesterday when I got back from Operation Alert, the camp I went to, but I figured no matter how long I wait there is no way I can use words to describe everything I wanted to say about it. I meant that in a good way, because it was actually something I would have gone insane without. As you all know, there has been some shit going on with me lately, thats why Operation Alert was just like my way to get away from it all. I feel like im not even at home when im sitting right here, but when im with the Venturers it almost doesnt feel real because everything actually feels right. This whole Journal will ramble on .. and sound really Surreal but its just how I feel, and here it goes;

I left on Friday morning, completley estatic to get the fuck out of Apsley. I had everything packed two hours early and I had to go get my hair done, which was lame since I was just about to go camping. As soon as I got to the camp, after a two hour drive with my mom and stopping at Tim Hortons twice and getting stuff from Connor and Herb at the Scout Ship and Sleeping and buying new headphones, as soon as we got to the camp i had to go find my group. And there was like hardly anyone there because alot of people were late. Lucky for me two people had already set up our Kitchen Tent. Of course, I immediatley went to The Bowmanville Campsite after I dropped off my stuff at our site.

I was really eager to meet Nathan and see Travis, Mat and Angel again. But when I got to their site Travis had gone to get food or something .. but I did meet Nathan then. I didnt stay long though because I wanted to be at our site when Herb and Connor got there with my tent. So, I went back and they still werent there. But Mike and Josh were, and some other people started coming in so I just chilled with them. I felt kinda funny going to the Bowmanville site when Travis wasnt there, because he was really the only one from there I knew until I talked to the rest of them more this time. I just kept kinda sitting around.

Later that night I went back to Bowmanville's site because I was getting tired of no one showing up. Travis was there finally, so I said hi to them and gave everyone hugs. I didnt really stay long with them that night because Herb and Connor got there really late so I had to get my tent up and get mine and Haleys stuff in, The Bowmanville Leader told us to leave at around 10:30ish anyways. Thats what I remember from Friday.

Friday night was what felt the most Surreal. At like Midnight, Karl, Haley, Chloe and I were sitting in the middle of the field in the dark. We were just talking, it was nothing out of the ordinary. But for some reason there was like Happiness floating in the air. I felt so good to be around people I could just say whatever I wanted to and I knew that they wouldnt judge me. I go to school with Chloe and Haley but this just felt different, it was one of the moments I cant explain. But I know that everything felt right.

Saturday I was up by Six because I couldnt sleep and my iPod went off because I have my alarm set for Six. I just kinda lay there though because I was way too cold to move. Then Herb called to us at around 7 and said me and Haley had to make Breakfast. I thought that was Bull, because I brought my own food and I didnt eat any of theirs but I still had to cook it for them. Whatever though, life goes on. So, the rest of the group went to set up Our Event and me and John and Karl made breakfast, well really Haley and I did because John and Karl are useless. xD ( love !! ) and opening was at 11 .. I think. My uniform was too small so I had to switch with Haley because hers was too big.

Events began and I had nothing to do, because I wasnt watching our Event until 1:30 in the afternoon. Whenever I tried to hang around the Event they told me to go away because I wasnt helping. So naturally, I went to go find Bowmanville, this next line is important so if you are reading this pay attention: Bowmanville is my favourite group because they actually make me feel like im wanted somewhere. I love Lakefield and all, but as soon as I dont push myself into a conversation then everyone ignores me. With Bowmanville everyone just seemed happy to have me around. Thats why I hung around them so much, I hope I didnt get too Clingy because it would suck if they got sick of me. xD

So I hung around their Event until Lunch time, it was really nice talking to them too because I felt the much needed sense of belonging id been missing ever since last Operation Alert. And then we went for Lunch, and after Lunch was when I had to watch my Event so I wasnt around Bowmanville then. By the end of my shift I was feeling really Frusterated. Because I was trying so hard to be outgoing and seem like I was actually interested in what I was doing, ( Haley I love you. ) but, the way she was running the event was just so straight forward. Like it wasnt even fun at all. Very strict basically and every time I joked around she was like .. not freaking at me .. but I could tell she wanted to. So after I was done my shift I made my way back to the Bowmanville Event. I talked to Matt and Travis, even though he was in a tree and we were basically just yelling to each other. Fuck .. I actually wish I knew how to explain how I feel about some people, but the whole Bowmanville group, im just freaking in love with them. xD Thats the blunt way to put it.

That night, we had the campfire, which happens at every Operation Alert on the Satuday night. We also have an event, and this year it was Karaoke and .. some other Activities inside. I remember I was looking for Haley and Chloe but I couldnt find them, but I was with Nathan so he was with me when I was looking for them. We walked around alot, and hugged some trees and he jumped over a tree trunk, yes it was quite random. Eventually we just gave up looking for Haley and Chloe and went inside. Dylan and the rest of Lakefield Group were running the Event inside and he wanted me to help. But of course, I had been with Bowmanville all day so I had no idea that we were helping. xD So Dylan let it slip, and said I could just go chill out, and thats exactly what I did.

We kept walking around a bit after, went back to my site to get my coat and back to Bowmanvilles site to get stuff and we eventually met up with Justin, Mat and Travis back at the Karaoke Area in the Parking Lot. I just kinda remember standing around after that, there werent many songs I knew. I know at one point, me and Nathan and Travis were sitting in the Parking Lot. We didnt really talk much that night, but it was cool because I actually enjoyed the comfort of the silence. Like it wasnt one of those weird awkward Silences, I kinda just felt like we were all Content. We also sat near a tree next to the Building where they were doing the Event, which I also recall as a silent time. We were just sitting. Not talking, even though I kept bringing up the odd comment.

Afterwards, I went back the Bowmanville Site and the rest of the Lakefield Group went back to our Site because they were celebrating Connors Birthday, which was Yesterday. They had Turkey and Cake n shit .. but im a Vegetarian still so I didnt really wanna watch them eat the Main Course anyways. Yes, they were making Turkey at a fucking camp .. that doesnt happen anywhere but in Lakefield Venturers. xD I was going to hang around Bowmanville till early in the morning, but I was getting cold and sleepy, so Travis, Nathan and Mat walked back with me to my Camp Site, and I got there just in time to see everyone finishing up the Turkey. Lucky .. And then I hugged the three " Bowmanvillians " and they went back to their site .. or so Im assuming because I didnt see them until the next morning. I slept uneasy that night, because I was still cold.

Basically all we did on Sunday was Pack up things, and we had closing at 8 or 9 a.m. I was a little sad to be going back home, because the weekend went by Disturbingly quickly. I made a point of going to the Bowmanville campsite to say good-bye to everyone, but they were packing so I didnt stay long. I just went back to my site and helped take down the tents and clean-up. Luckily, I met Travis, Nathan and Mat in the Parking Lot when I was taking my things to Herb's Car. And I got to see some of Travis's new artwork which I had been wanting to see all weekend. I gave them all big hugs before they left, and I missed them as soon as they had gotten into the Car .. or Van .. or whatever.

I sat there with Haley for a while, and Noah too. But then Noah left, and Haley's dad picked her up. But, while Haley and I were sitting there a kid started talking to me. His name was David, and I had no idea who he was. xD But I recall him going to the Bowmanville Event when I was chilling out there some time the day before. He was in Venturers and he liked Marilyn Manson, so naturally he asked for my Email, he hasnt added me yet but im sure he will get around to it.

Herb ( My Venturer Advisor. ) Drove me back to Lakefield, where I later met my Grandma who took me the rest of the way back to Apsley. Connor ( Herb's son. ) Herb and I had a really long conversation all the way from Oshawa. We basically talked about how other people see each other and base one another on how they appear at Glance. It was just one more thing that seemed unreal. I can never have conversations with anyone about stuff like that and just ramble on and get everything I want to say in, unless im in Venturers. I really feel like I learn about myself every time I talk about things like that, and I learned things about Connor and Herb as well.

Truth be told, I wish Operation Alert never ended. I wish that everyone I met there lived closer to me. I wish that Operation Alert happened more than once a year, and was more than Three Days. I also really hope with all my heart that I dont have to leave Venturers next year. I was thinking of quitting, I was set on it actually, but I cant imagine what I would be like without Venturers. Its taught me so much, and Ive met so many people I never would have otherwise. It makes me miss people more, and it makes me wish I didnt have to always be in the real world, but those feelings are just what makes seeing them all again so much more special. Every person in Scouting I met have had a Significant impact on me, and I really hope that the people I speak of know who they are because they have every right to know how much I love them.

I hope that the people I wrote about read this;
I hope that they do.
I also hope that they feel this way too.

Peace & Love.
For Everyone.
_.xo. Gerard.